Anyone who knows me in "real life" knows that I have this love-hate relationship with the elderly. For the most part old men are a love, the exception being that one rude curmudgeon. Old women, on the other hand, you just never know what you're going to get with them. Some are sweet as sugar, and others not so much. I don't even mind if an elderly person is a grumpy grumperson. Maybe they're in pain from their arthritis flaring up. Maybe they're just coming to terms with the fact that they're going to die soon. Either way, if it was me, I would probably being a bit grumpy too. What really burns my biscuits is for them to be rude or right out mean.
There are three little biddies who come in every Sunday. Two of them order Diet Coke with extra lemon and two ham "sammiches". The third woman orders a cup of hot water because she brought her own tea bag and broccoli with cheese. It never fails. Unless you come up to them as soon as they walk through the door, follow them to their table, and stand there while they get situated, then they've been sitting there for 20 minutes and no one has waited on them yet. As soon as I would get their food order I would go straight to the computer and put it in, as is typical. You can guarantee, though, that within three minutes of leaving their table, they are going to be stopping every server that walks by them. "Excuse me miss, can you check on our food? We've been waiting a very long time, and we believe that she forgot about us.", they say in their nasally voices, faces frozen in permanent scowls. They are also the type of women that stick their noses up in the air at you as if to say, "We went to church today and you didn't. God loves us more." Whatever. IF I wanted to go to church I couldn't because your fat asses are parked in my booth. Like I said before, it's mostly old women, but there is the occasional old man that will give you trouble. Of course this incident also happened on Sunday afternoon, a particularly busy one at that. Every table in the restaurant was seated. I had a table at 8 with two elderly women and two elderly men. The two women seemed nice enough, as did one of the men. The other man was being a little grumpy as I greeted them and got their drink order, but I really didn't even pay it any mind, at first. He was making some smart ass comments, but nothing that really bothered me. That is, until after I brought out their entrees. He had some sort of sandwich and an order of onion rings. I gave them their food then went back for the two minutes check back. I asked them if everything wias to their liking. He looks at me like I had just insulted his first born. I knew I was in trouble with that look alone.
Old Man: "Can I ask you something?"
Me:"Of course, what can I do for you?"
Old Man: "Did you just give me the onion rings that were left over from last night?"
Me:"Absolutely not. We make them to order, so I can assure you that wouldn't happen."
Old Man: "Well, these onion rings are ice cold."
Me: "I'm sorry, if you would like, I can take these and get you another order made right up."
Old Man: "Yeah, why don't you do that, and make sure this time, you bring me something I can actually eat!"
I was getting ready to apologize to him, grab the onion rings, then go have him some more made. Before I could do so, he picks up the basket of onion rings and throws them at me. I caught the basket, but some of the onion rings hit me in the chest and then fell on the floor. I turned around to see the entire restaurant was staring at me in dead silence. I felt my face getting hot and turning red from anger and embarrassment. I was frozen. Finally one sassy little gay men breaks the silence by exclaming, "Psssht, ruuUUuude!", and an exaggerated eye roll. At that moment I was even more in love with the gays than usual, because everyone went back to their food and conversation. I went straight back to the kitchen and made the second order of onion rings myself, so I knew they would be scalding hot for him. I took them straight out of the fryer and to his table. I said, "Here you go sir, I made these ones myself so I know they are hot." He followed with, "Well, they better be." What a charmer. At this point, I'd had enough. I said as sweetly as I could muster, "Well, I couldn't tell if the first ones were hot or not because I don't stick my fingers in your food to test the temperature before I bring it out to you to eat." I smiled so they would think I was joking, then asked if I could get anyone anything else. Everyone with him said no and kept their heads down for the rest of the meal. I can't blame them. I would be mortified if someone I was having lunch with acted like as big an asshole as this guy did. Before they left, the nice old man from table 8 came up to me and apologize for his friend 5 times, asked me if I was okay 3 times, then promised to never bring him back out to eat again. I told him it was not his fault and that I was fine. He reached out to shake my hand. I shook his hand and when I pulled back, I realized he had slipped a $50 bill into my hand. It always seemed like the meanest and the rudest of the elderly came out on Sunday. I no longer work Sundays, and for that I am thankful.
Today I had this old couple come in to eat. Not only are they regulars, but my dad went to school with their daughter and they were friends. My dad and their daughter even dated briefly. They remained friends afterward and my mom and dad would have dinner at their house regularly. The old woman was even my elementary school principal. So, basically, the old couple have known me all my life. They're always very sweet, easy to take care of, and they tip well. After my experience with them today, though, I believe they're going senile. They started off by calling me Stacy the entire time. My name isn't anywhere near Stacy, nor does it even start with an "S". I corrected them the first time. After that, when they continued to call me Stacy, I just said, "Fuck it." They always want to chat, which I'm fine with, but they were asking me questions that were way out in left field. Like, "How old is your son now? 15?" Nope, he's 5. or, "How's your mom?" Been dead for 20 years. I was slightly confused by their behavior, but they're so sweet that I didn't want to embarrass them. So, I just told them I'd be back in a few minutes to check on them. The rest of their meal was uneventful until I brought them their check. The woman looked at me and said, "I don't know what it is you're doing, but you're much prettier than you usually are." I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. I had already decided that she had me confused with someone else, but I just could NOT believe that she would say that to someone. My mind was officially blown. I didn't know what to say, so I just kept it simple. "Well, thank you, have a great evening."
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