Sorry for the late post. My children were taken to this magical land called "Grandma's". "Grandma's" only accepts children about once every three months. So, I used the couple of hours of kids-free-time that I had to take an extraordinarily long, hot shower and a nap. Now that my little darlings are back, I'm going to do something extra productive, like blog.
I'm going to start off by saying I hate kids. I know this topic has been done, done again, and over done on every other serving/restaurant blog out there. Most of the blogs that I have read about the dislike of kids has been written by the childless. The opposition always says, "You only don't like kids because you don't have any!" Well, I'm going to step up and say, "I am a mother of two, and I still hate you and your kids." Just because there is a miniature person tagging along wherever you go, you are not entitled, nor are you special. About 370,000 are born every fucking day. That means about 369,999 other screamin' demons were popped out of the womb on the same day you grunted out your little bundle of hell.
You may think I'm heartless, but I couldn't give a rat's splooge less. Even if we are in a "kids friendly" restaurant, I don't want to see your crotch spawn. I have two that I am responsible for making sure they don't act like yard apes. I don't need your little fucker coming up running around my table and talking to my kids and myself while you stare off into your cell phone or tablet without a care in the world. If I am eating in a restaurant and your hell spawn is running circle around my table, I will stick my foot out and trip the little bastard. It will be a complete "accident" I promise, but he really shouldn't be running around in the first place. I don't need your obnoxious child asking me a thousand questions about every topic known to man. Like I said, I have two kids, so I already have to answer about 2,000 questions at any given time. I will smile pleasantly, bend down, and whisper in its ear(as to not let my kids hear me say any "bad words"), to shut the fuck up and go sit back down before I sew their goddamned mouth shut. You see, when we are eating in the same restaurant and you're letting your dumb ass kid run around while you pay no mind to anything it's doing, I am going to feel a hint of responsibility for child. Trust and believe in me when I say that you really do not want me to be responsible in any sense of the word for a child in which I have no maternal instincts or love. It's only going to turn out very, very bad, I promise.
If I am serving you and your ugly heathens, I still hate you both. I have to smile politely while you let your child talk to me like shit and run me to death. It's not "sooo cute", as you so eloquently put it, it is god damned rude. Every time it screams at me, I want to pick something up off your table and "accidentally" elbow it in the fucking teeth as I turn around. I won't though because then I would have to elbow you in the mouth as well for letting it act like that and if I did it twice, it might look suspicious. You tell me to hurry because your brat is starving and can't wait 5 extra fucking minutes for its goddamned kids meal. Even though, after you leave, every fucking last crumb is either spread across the table or in the floor. There's also ketchup spilled everywhere. Often the little darling has even drawn us a little picture on the wall-with the crayons you gave it to "keep it busy"-to remember it by. Seeing how you let the bastard run wild without even batting an eye, I would bet money it acts like that no matter where it is. You are a lazy cunt who can't be bothered to teach her own offspring right from wrong. Unless you are fortunate enough to have a maid, which I doubt since you're eating at Pizza Place, I would hate to see how god damned disgusting your home is.
Your ugly as sin miscreant is far from "adorable", nor is it "funny". You are teaching your child to be a rude, thoughtless, uncaring, selfish little pig. You will one day regret your decisions as a parent. You may think it looks "cute" or "funny" now, but that small child will one day be an adult with the same attributes. When your God awful child does become an adult, you will be a shriveled up old hag. The child whom you raised to have no empathy will be choosing your long term care. You can bet your bottom dollar that selfish, greedy little piggy will stick you in the cheapest, nastiest nursing home they can find and leave your ass there to rot. How do you like them apples? I bet they're bitter.
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