Dear First of the Monthers,
Thank you all for coming to eat at Pizza Place. I was really excited to have some business today after the last week or so was more dead than the rat that has been rotting in our air vents. It wasn't until I got a good look at everyone sitting in the dining room that I consciously realized, "Fuck me, it's the first of the month, God damn it!" You're much like my Aunt Flo, you visit monthly, annoy me for a week, give me cramps, then disappear. I loved answering your questions about how much every item on the menu costs. If you could have just bothered yourself by looking at the menu (just like I did when I didn't know the price of some of the items), you would have known the answer. Why do it yourself when you have a servant, er, server I mean, to do it for you, right? I wouldn't want you to strain yourself, precious. You are so great, I didn't mind standing there for 10 minutes answering your questions then waiting on you to decide when you insisted you were ready.
(Me:"I'll give you a few minutes to decide."
Woman:"No,no,no, don't go anywhere. We're ready. Ummmm, hmmmm. Well, I'll have, uhhhhhhh. I've got it. Ohh wait, I didn't even see over here where it says you have sandwiches too. "
Me:"It's not a problem. I'll give you just a couple of minutes and I'll be right back to get your...."
Woman:"No, I've got it. I would like a small pizza with pepperoni."
Me:"Great choice, and what can I get for you, sir?"
Man:"Well, I was wanting pizza, but she got a small one and that's not going to be enough for both of us....uhhhhh, so now I don't know."
Woman:"Well, we can just get a bigger one if that's what you want, honey. I just thought you were going to get spaghetti. What other sizes do you have?"
Me:"We also have medium, large, extra large, and our 30" party pizza."
Woman:"Well, what do you want to do honey? Do you want to get a bigger pizza, or we could keep the small one to share and then get a salad or appetizer or both and share those too."
Man:"I don't know. It's up to you. Just get whatever you want.")
By this time, I'm about to grab a butter knife off of the table and just start sawing at my neck until I hit the carotid. I look around and see that almost every other table in the restaurant is seated with other first of the monthers that need waited on. I was extremely relieved, after some humming and hawing of course, when you finally decided to get a bigger pizza, salad, and an app. At least I could then move on to the next table that was going to be pretty much just like you.
While I was standing there waiting on you to decide, I noticed a few things about you. You're dirty. The both of you. Your hands were black and you had dirt and grease spots all over you like you had been working on vehicles all day. How can that be when you're receiving welfare or social security? (No, I'm not just assuming. I overheard some of their conversation, and they were definitely receiving a government check.) Even your baby was dirty, just not as scroungy as you. Also, there was a definite stench of piss wafting around your table. At first I thought it was the baby's diaper, but then I realized that the smell was far too robust than what a baby would produce. I do believe, sir and madam, that one of you had pissed yourself. There's no excuse for that, unless you're wasted or just laughed a little too hard. How about you take the money from the tip you didn't leave, go to the dollar store, and buy some soap. What really got to me was that you were using the napkin holder on the table as your own personal tissue box. Thanks for trumpeting your nose at the table in front of the, albeit few, decent people who had unknowingly came out for lunch on the first of the month. You all really keep it classy.
By the way, that was a really funny game you played with me when I brought out your salad and apps, and then again when I brought out your pizza. I asked if I could get you anything, and then instead of telling me you wanted 6 extra ranches; more crackers; two extra straws(God knows why); a cup of marinara; four more clean plates (6 total), so that you could each have one for each of the items you ordered; and two more fresh cups of soda, just in case you might need them. You had me make 12 trips. Then you had me do a repeat performance for each of your boxes and to-go cups for the extra sodas you never drank. Even though I asked if you if you were sure you only needed one box and you said, "Uh, yeah, one container for....my....salad.". Thanks for saying that last part slow enough for me to understand. Those are very complicated words. I'm only a servant, after all.
I longed for you after you left. I know, you were in a hurry to get to Wallow-Mart to buy the ridiculously expensive things you can't afford, and will be returning/pawning in two weeks anyway. Lucky for me, I had the explosion of crumbs and snot rags on the table and floor and your unmistakable odor wafting in the air long after you had gone. Just so you know. I pretty much repeated this entire letter with almost every one of the other 28 tables that I waited on today. See you all again tomorrow, and the rest of the week, until Friday when you have ran out of money and are counting out change to me to pay your bill.
Longing for you already,
BoW
Showing posts with label cheap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheap. Show all posts
Monday, July 1, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Barefoot and Illiterate
I haven't posted about where I'm from because of the stigma that comes along with it, but I do now and always have resided in the heart of Appalachia. It is a beautiful place to live, with lofty mountains, bountiful wild life, and lush greenery. I am proud of where I come from. With that being said, whenever traveling, I find myself somewhat reluctant to answer when people ask where I am from. People have this stereotype in their mind, and I would like to see that stereotype put to rest. Don't get me wrong, there are some that fit that stereotypical mold. They are the minority. I, at least partly, blame the news. Whenever there is a big news story breaking in our area, I'll be damned if the reporter doesn't always find the dumbest, loudest redneck they can find to interview. People see this idiot spewing nonsense on their television and assume we all must be like that. In my 8 years of serving, I have had a barrage of ludicrous questions hurled at me. If anyone out there is ever fortunate enough to visit this beautiful part of the country known as Appalachia, I have a list of questions to NOT ask your server.
These are all questions I have been asked by out-of-towners. I have also been kind enough to answer them.
Q: Wow! You're wearing shoes?
A: Well, by golly, mister, I saved up my monies and got myself some of these fancy new foot cover things. Of course I wear god damned shoes. I'm not a fucking animal. Would you want to walk around on this nasty ass floor barefoot? Yeah, me either.
Q: You actually have teeth? (This was seriously a question some one asked)
A: Yeah, we actually do have toothbrushes and dentists. I know, shocking, right?
Q: Wasn't the movie "Wrong Turn" filmed somewhere around here?
A: No, even though they have the movie "set" in West Virginia, it was actually filmed in Canada.
Q: Don't you all marry your cousins?
A: No, we do not. Not only is that completely vile, but it is also illegal in this state. If you are interested in marrying your cousin, you can always go to California, New York, New Jersey, Vermont, or Rhode Island, just to name a few, where it is completely legal.
Q: I didn't know you all could read.
A: Yes, I can read and write. Fascinating, isn't it? I am also college educated, as are most of the other people that live here.
(And last, but not least, my most favorite and most frequently asked question):
Q: What's it like living in western Virginia
A: I don't live in western Virginia. I live in West Virginia. West Virginia is it's own state, and not, not, not, NOT the western part of Virginia.
I can not believe that some adult men and women who are supposedly so much smarter and more educated than us "dumb hillbillies" do not know that West Virginia is a state. The people that live here are kind, giving, intelligent people. We are not the toothless, shoeless, ignorant, rednecks who bathe in rivers and drink dirty creek water. Which is some people might have you believe.
I'm only talking about the ridiculous things people really do believe about us. I'm not talking about jokes. I do love a well placed hillbilly or redneck joke, but not that stupid "you might be a reneck if..." shit. If you're going to make a joke about a stereotype, make sure it is well placed, thought out, and intelligent. Otherwise, you just sound like an ignorant jerk off.
I don't mean to sound like I'm standing on my soap box, but I had a table of 8 today that treated me like garbage. It wasn't even the typical "I'm better than you because you're just a lowly server who bring me food." kind of table. I'm mostly used to that kind of table, even though it still kind of pisses me off. They acted like I was unable to understand them or anything, really. They were here on their vacation, but lived out of state. Every one of them made sure to talk real slow for me so that I could understand what they wanted to eat and drink. I can't blame them. I never would have understood that they wanted a pizza, 5 salads, and a pitcher of soda with 8 cups of ice if they hadn't dumbed it down for me. They were beyond rude the entire meal. After they had gotten all their food, I went back to make sure everything was alright and check for refills. Before I could even say anything, they were yelling "waitress!" and either shaking or pointing at their 3/4 full drinks (that's right, I can even do simple math). I probably took them their check a little too soon, but I was tired of being treated worse than a chicken at a tyson farm (allegedly). They paid their $60.00 bill with a credit card. After they left, I went to get the credit card slip. I was completely surprised to see a $5.00 tip. 8%, really? Even us ignorant hillbillies know that a 15-20% tip is customary.
These are all questions I have been asked by out-of-towners. I have also been kind enough to answer them.
Q: Wow! You're wearing shoes?
A: Well, by golly, mister, I saved up my monies and got myself some of these fancy new foot cover things. Of course I wear god damned shoes. I'm not a fucking animal. Would you want to walk around on this nasty ass floor barefoot? Yeah, me either.
Q: You actually have teeth? (This was seriously a question some one asked)
A: Yeah, we actually do have toothbrushes and dentists. I know, shocking, right?
Q: Wasn't the movie "Wrong Turn" filmed somewhere around here?
A: No, even though they have the movie "set" in West Virginia, it was actually filmed in Canada.
Q: Don't you all marry your cousins?
A: No, we do not. Not only is that completely vile, but it is also illegal in this state. If you are interested in marrying your cousin, you can always go to California, New York, New Jersey, Vermont, or Rhode Island, just to name a few, where it is completely legal.
Q: I didn't know you all could read.
A: Yes, I can read and write. Fascinating, isn't it? I am also college educated, as are most of the other people that live here.
(And last, but not least, my most favorite and most frequently asked question):
Q: What's it like living in western Virginia
A: I don't live in western Virginia. I live in West Virginia. West Virginia is it's own state, and not, not, not, NOT the western part of Virginia.
I can not believe that some adult men and women who are supposedly so much smarter and more educated than us "dumb hillbillies" do not know that West Virginia is a state. The people that live here are kind, giving, intelligent people. We are not the toothless, shoeless, ignorant, rednecks who bathe in rivers and drink dirty creek water. Which is some people might have you believe.
I'm only talking about the ridiculous things people really do believe about us. I'm not talking about jokes. I do love a well placed hillbilly or redneck joke, but not that stupid "you might be a reneck if..." shit. If you're going to make a joke about a stereotype, make sure it is well placed, thought out, and intelligent. Otherwise, you just sound like an ignorant jerk off.
I don't mean to sound like I'm standing on my soap box, but I had a table of 8 today that treated me like garbage. It wasn't even the typical "I'm better than you because you're just a lowly server who bring me food." kind of table. I'm mostly used to that kind of table, even though it still kind of pisses me off. They acted like I was unable to understand them or anything, really. They were here on their vacation, but lived out of state. Every one of them made sure to talk real slow for me so that I could understand what they wanted to eat and drink. I can't blame them. I never would have understood that they wanted a pizza, 5 salads, and a pitcher of soda with 8 cups of ice if they hadn't dumbed it down for me. They were beyond rude the entire meal. After they had gotten all their food, I went back to make sure everything was alright and check for refills. Before I could even say anything, they were yelling "waitress!" and either shaking or pointing at their 3/4 full drinks (that's right, I can even do simple math). I probably took them their check a little too soon, but I was tired of being treated worse than a chicken at a tyson farm (allegedly). They paid their $60.00 bill with a credit card. After they left, I went to get the credit card slip. I was completely surprised to see a $5.00 tip. 8%, really? Even us ignorant hillbillies know that a 15-20% tip is customary.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Ohhh, How Easily You Forget Where You Come From
Countless times over my illustrious 8-year stint on the restaurant industry, I have seen people come and go. Far too often, after they leave, they forget where they came from. This makes me far more angry than it probably should. I hate for someone that I just worked with two weeks ago, but has since quit, to come in, run me to death, treat me like garbage, then stiff me on the tip. This is the same person who was just complaining about a random customer doing this to her three weeks ago. It's shitty enough when Random Dan does this, but I think maybe he's just ignorant to the ways of the service industry. Former co-workers, on the other hand, have no excuse. They know what it's like to work for tips.
A former co-worker of mine at Pizza Place came in to eat today. We had worked together for about 8 months before she quit, or maybe she got fired, I'm really not sure. It was my turn for a table, so her and her boyfriend were mine to wait on. I was thinking, "Sweet!!! Easy tip." Boy, was I wrong. Her and her boyfriend ordered a ton of food. About half of that was salads and apps that I had to make myself. I took them their drinks, then started their apps cooking while I made their salads. I took their salads out, followed by their apps. A short while later, I took them their food. Everything was fine and dandy. The bitch didn't eat most of the shit she ordered, nor did she want a box to take the rest of it home. So, I took them their check. She came up front to pay the bill for her and her deadbeat boyfriend. She wanted to pay $20 in cash and put the rest on her card. This was my first sign of trouble, "uh-oh," I thought. Then I thought, "Well, maybe she just doesn't have much cash on her, and she'll put my tip on the card." A big fucking negative on that. "Well maybe she left it on the table, I mean she did work here for 8 months, she knows how it is." Wrong again! When I went over to clean the table there was nothing but garbage, half-eaten food, and disappointment. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, and i don't when it's a random customer who might not know better, but it really burns my biscuits when it happens with a former server. There's no excuse for it. She couldn't have even left two dollars? She couldn't have shared a salad with Deadbeat Boyfriend, instead of getting one for each of them and not eating it, then left me the price of that for a tip? Spare change? Anything? I usually let annoyances like that slide right off my back, but for some reason I just couldn't let this go. It might have been because I didn't get much sleep last night. Maybe it was that today was my last day before my days off, so I was tired. It could have been that I walked out of work today with only $16 in my pocket. Or, possibly I had just filled my quota of idiots this week. I honestly don't know for sure, but I held onto that incident until it was a big ball of hideous spite in the pit of my stomach. I'm not proud of what I did next, and I'm sure I will have to suffer the consequences.
I came home a little bit earlier than normal because it was so slow. When I walked in the door, I was still fuming. I got even angrier when I realized that bitch had caused me to bring my work home with me. So, I went to my lap top and looked her up on social media. I sent her a message. This is what it said:
Hey, I'm so glad you came in to eat today. I had so much fun making all those salads and appetizers that you ordered, but never ate. It was a blast cleaning all the mess off of the table after you left, too. When I saw that humongous tip you left, I jumped and danced as my heart was filled with joy! What a truly fulfilling experience you gave me today and, for that, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please come back to see me again soon, and, once again, thank you sooo much for your generosity.
I know it's horrible, and it didn't make me feel any better. From the second I pressed "send", I wished I could reach into my computer and take it back, but what's done is done. Today, I am ashamed to say, I let my anger and frustration get the better of me. If she calls the store to complain, then I will have to take whatever punishment my manager deems appropriate. It's my cross to bear. Then again, that girl has more cents than sense, so maybe she will take my message as sincere instead of sarcastic. Either way, I will take whatever is coming in stride be it good, or, not-so-good.
I have two days off ahead of me, and I will definitely NOT be posting again until Monday. I've got a class reunion. Every other minute of my weekend, I will be relaxing in whomever's pool I can convince to let me in. If you're off, like me, then have a great weekend. If you're working, then I hope you make stacks of cash. Until Monday....
A former co-worker of mine at Pizza Place came in to eat today. We had worked together for about 8 months before she quit, or maybe she got fired, I'm really not sure. It was my turn for a table, so her and her boyfriend were mine to wait on. I was thinking, "Sweet!!! Easy tip." Boy, was I wrong. Her and her boyfriend ordered a ton of food. About half of that was salads and apps that I had to make myself. I took them their drinks, then started their apps cooking while I made their salads. I took their salads out, followed by their apps. A short while later, I took them their food. Everything was fine and dandy. The bitch didn't eat most of the shit she ordered, nor did she want a box to take the rest of it home. So, I took them their check. She came up front to pay the bill for her and her deadbeat boyfriend. She wanted to pay $20 in cash and put the rest on her card. This was my first sign of trouble, "uh-oh," I thought. Then I thought, "Well, maybe she just doesn't have much cash on her, and she'll put my tip on the card." A big fucking negative on that. "Well maybe she left it on the table, I mean she did work here for 8 months, she knows how it is." Wrong again! When I went over to clean the table there was nothing but garbage, half-eaten food, and disappointment. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, and i don't when it's a random customer who might not know better, but it really burns my biscuits when it happens with a former server. There's no excuse for it. She couldn't have even left two dollars? She couldn't have shared a salad with Deadbeat Boyfriend, instead of getting one for each of them and not eating it, then left me the price of that for a tip? Spare change? Anything? I usually let annoyances like that slide right off my back, but for some reason I just couldn't let this go. It might have been because I didn't get much sleep last night. Maybe it was that today was my last day before my days off, so I was tired. It could have been that I walked out of work today with only $16 in my pocket. Or, possibly I had just filled my quota of idiots this week. I honestly don't know for sure, but I held onto that incident until it was a big ball of hideous spite in the pit of my stomach. I'm not proud of what I did next, and I'm sure I will have to suffer the consequences.
I came home a little bit earlier than normal because it was so slow. When I walked in the door, I was still fuming. I got even angrier when I realized that bitch had caused me to bring my work home with me. So, I went to my lap top and looked her up on social media. I sent her a message. This is what it said:
Hey, I'm so glad you came in to eat today. I had so much fun making all those salads and appetizers that you ordered, but never ate. It was a blast cleaning all the mess off of the table after you left, too. When I saw that humongous tip you left, I jumped and danced as my heart was filled with joy! What a truly fulfilling experience you gave me today and, for that, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please come back to see me again soon, and, once again, thank you sooo much for your generosity.
I know it's horrible, and it didn't make me feel any better. From the second I pressed "send", I wished I could reach into my computer and take it back, but what's done is done. Today, I am ashamed to say, I let my anger and frustration get the better of me. If she calls the store to complain, then I will have to take whatever punishment my manager deems appropriate. It's my cross to bear. Then again, that girl has more cents than sense, so maybe she will take my message as sincere instead of sarcastic. Either way, I will take whatever is coming in stride be it good, or, not-so-good.
I have two days off ahead of me, and I will definitely NOT be posting again until Monday. I've got a class reunion. Every other minute of my weekend, I will be relaxing in whomever's pool I can convince to let me in. If you're off, like me, then have a great weekend. If you're working, then I hope you make stacks of cash. Until Monday....
Thursday, June 20, 2013
A Word for the Not So Wise, for Your Cheep Ass
I cannot stand for someone to truly believe they deserve something for nothing. You're not special, bitch. You are no more special that me, Jane Doe, Joe Blow, or the homeless woman that mutters to herself and growls if anyone gets near her. Anything that doesn't already come on or with the food you ordered is considered extra. If you order something EXTRA, then you are going to have to pay EXTRA for it. If it's just one or two cups of ranch that I can get myself, I won't charge for it. Unless, of course, my manager happens to be breathing down my neck. In that case, I will have to charge you. When it comes down to having to hear you bitch about it for the next 30 minutes until you leave, or having to hear my manager bitching at me about it for the rest of my shift, I'm going to choose pissing you off. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. If you run me to death because your table of 10 needs 5 extra cups of dressing with each salad, and two cups of ranch per person to dip their pizza in, I'm going to charge you for every fucking drop. My hassle=your cost. If you want something that I have to get a cook retrieve for me, I will always have to charge you for that. The cooks are not going to do anything more than their bare-minimum job requirements, so their not looking to do me, or you, any favors. They're not going to hand over a bread crumb without a ticket. In order for them to have a ticket with what they need to send out, I have to put that shit into the computer, thus charging you for the item you had wanted. You would think all of this would be common sense, but, sadly, it is not. People still become unbelievably irate when they see that $0.30 charge on their bill for the cup of extra ranch that they ordered themselves.
Once, about two years ago, a well-known high school teacher and coach in my town came in with his family to eat one night. Him and his family would always order one large pizza to share for their meal and one large salad to share for their app. Pretty simple. The only problem was that they wanted two dressings a piece for each person, but only one salad. Our large salad is not abnormally big and only comes with two dressings, so they were also getting 6 extra dressings along with the two that come with the salad. It says in every portion of our menu how much extra dressings, pizza toppings, sauces, cheese, etc. costs. It's not like I was trying to be sneaky and run his bill up unbeknownst to him. Unless you're illiterate (and he just may be considering all of the stupid kids that I see coming out of that high school), ignorance is no excuse. Anyway, I was trying to be nice and only charged him for three instead of the six extra dressings they had eaten. Everything was great, until the bill came. He saw the $0.90 charge for extra dressing, and he made a HUGE scene. The way he acted, you would have thought there was a gratuity for $600.00 on there. He screamed and yelled, stomped his feet, and got red in the face. Basically, he looked like a bald, fat two year old throwing a temper tantrum. And this is some one in charge of molding our youth? That's it, I'm sending my kids to private school. There's no way I want this immature piece of mildew getting his hands on my kids. He wound up wanting the manager. Of course, Dip Shit wound up taking it off the bill, but told him, "I took it off this time, but next time you'll know so you'll have to pay for it." Yeah, right.
This kind of scene happens more likely than you would think, unless you work in a restaurant. Just today, a woman called wanting to place an order for her and her co-workers to come in and eat. She ordered for her co-workers first, then herself. She wanted a small order of our 3-Layer Breadsticks, and wanted ranch with them. Pizza sauce normally comes with them. If they want to substitute the pizza sauce for something else, there's no extra charge. However, if they want the pizza sauce and another sauce, they're going to have to dig deep in their pockets and pay that darned $0.30. I know, expensive, right. How can anyone ever afford that? When the lady told me she wanted ranch, of course I asked her if she just wanted the ranch or if she wanted pizza sauce and ranch. Three ranches total. So I charged her $0.90. That should not have been a big deal, but it was. They came in and ate. When they were ready, I split off their checks and took them their bills. The lady never said anything about it until she came up to pay. My manager was standing beside me as a cashed them out. She asked me why I charged her for the ranch. "Because, that's what you asked for ma'am. You said that you wanted pizza sauce and ranch when I took your order over the phone, so I charged you for the ranch. The small breadsticks only come with one sauce.", I replied. She scrunched her nose, squinted her eyes, and pursed her lips. Her face looked like she'd smelled shit. She then prepared herself to win the award for biggest over-reaction ever and said, "NO, I did NOT! You are a liar. I told you I only wanted ranch. Had I known you were going to charge me, I wouldn't have gotten both." I'm thinking whoa, whoa, lady, calm down. you are getting way to amped up over $0.90. You contradicted yourself too, by the way. Which is it? Am I a liar, or did you not know that it would cost you extra for extra ranch? Before I could say anything, manager stepped in and took off one of the ranches, because either way, she still got two extra. She seemed happy saving $0.30, whatever. I'm just thankful that she got the fuck out of there. I couldn't imagine being such a raving fucking lunatic that $0.30 got my panties all up in a bunch. Chill the fuck out. It's just a condiment.
Once, about two years ago, a well-known high school teacher and coach in my town came in with his family to eat one night. Him and his family would always order one large pizza to share for their meal and one large salad to share for their app. Pretty simple. The only problem was that they wanted two dressings a piece for each person, but only one salad. Our large salad is not abnormally big and only comes with two dressings, so they were also getting 6 extra dressings along with the two that come with the salad. It says in every portion of our menu how much extra dressings, pizza toppings, sauces, cheese, etc. costs. It's not like I was trying to be sneaky and run his bill up unbeknownst to him. Unless you're illiterate (and he just may be considering all of the stupid kids that I see coming out of that high school), ignorance is no excuse. Anyway, I was trying to be nice and only charged him for three instead of the six extra dressings they had eaten. Everything was great, until the bill came. He saw the $0.90 charge for extra dressing, and he made a HUGE scene. The way he acted, you would have thought there was a gratuity for $600.00 on there. He screamed and yelled, stomped his feet, and got red in the face. Basically, he looked like a bald, fat two year old throwing a temper tantrum. And this is some one in charge of molding our youth? That's it, I'm sending my kids to private school. There's no way I want this immature piece of mildew getting his hands on my kids. He wound up wanting the manager. Of course, Dip Shit wound up taking it off the bill, but told him, "I took it off this time, but next time you'll know so you'll have to pay for it." Yeah, right.
This kind of scene happens more likely than you would think, unless you work in a restaurant. Just today, a woman called wanting to place an order for her and her co-workers to come in and eat. She ordered for her co-workers first, then herself. She wanted a small order of our 3-Layer Breadsticks, and wanted ranch with them. Pizza sauce normally comes with them. If they want to substitute the pizza sauce for something else, there's no extra charge. However, if they want the pizza sauce and another sauce, they're going to have to dig deep in their pockets and pay that darned $0.30. I know, expensive, right. How can anyone ever afford that? When the lady told me she wanted ranch, of course I asked her if she just wanted the ranch or if she wanted pizza sauce and ranch. Three ranches total. So I charged her $0.90. That should not have been a big deal, but it was. They came in and ate. When they were ready, I split off their checks and took them their bills. The lady never said anything about it until she came up to pay. My manager was standing beside me as a cashed them out. She asked me why I charged her for the ranch. "Because, that's what you asked for ma'am. You said that you wanted pizza sauce and ranch when I took your order over the phone, so I charged you for the ranch. The small breadsticks only come with one sauce.", I replied. She scrunched her nose, squinted her eyes, and pursed her lips. Her face looked like she'd smelled shit. She then prepared herself to win the award for biggest over-reaction ever and said, "NO, I did NOT! You are a liar. I told you I only wanted ranch. Had I known you were going to charge me, I wouldn't have gotten both." I'm thinking whoa, whoa, lady, calm down. you are getting way to amped up over $0.90. You contradicted yourself too, by the way. Which is it? Am I a liar, or did you not know that it would cost you extra for extra ranch? Before I could say anything, manager stepped in and took off one of the ranches, because either way, she still got two extra. She seemed happy saving $0.30, whatever. I'm just thankful that she got the fuck out of there. I couldn't imagine being such a raving fucking lunatic that $0.30 got my panties all up in a bunch. Chill the fuck out. It's just a condiment.
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